political nonsense

It was discovered that blondes make men dumber.
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Santas in Australia were told not to say “ho ho ho” because it may be offensive to women. Sydney’s Santa Clauses have instead been instructed to say “ha ha ha”, the Daily Telegraph reported.

[ho ho ho?]
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Scientists found that a woman who has a sexy walk is unlikely to be ovulating.

[not fertile]
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A Swiss survey found that teenagers that smoke weed function better than teen tobacco-users, are more socially driven and have fewer psychosocial problems than those who do not use either substance. US doctors disagreed.
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ABC news reported that little girls have started dressing like skanks.
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Results of a telephone survey showed that in a race versus Republican Rudy Giuliani and Democrat Hilary Clinton, comedian Stephen Colbert would receive 13% of all votes.

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Scientists in Utah turned a worm gay.

[now a dyke]
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A Fox News anchor speculated that Al-Qaeda might have started the fires in California.
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Stephen Colbert announced he was running for president. “I don’t want to be president. I want to run for president. There’s a difference,” he said.

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A survey found that most Americans now believe that humans are causing global warming, and that we should do something about that.
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It was reported that Dick Cheney and Barack Obama are cousins.

[duh]
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It was reported that swearing boosts work morale.
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Two thirds of American CEOs, a study found, think that American CEOs are overpaid.
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Researchers reported that strippers earn more money when they’re ovulating.

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A British think tank concluded that the War on Terror has been a disaster.
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A woman ran over her own legs with her SUV in a McDonald’s drive-thru.

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The Department of Homeland Security announced that the completion of a $20 million “virtual fence” pilot project along the Mexican border near Tucson would be delayed because its cameras and radar were unable to distinguish people and vehicles from bushes and cows.

[not a mexican]
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The airport where Larry Craig was arrested planned to spend $25,000 to put in longer dividers between stalls in the men’s bathroom in order to make the stalls less enticing for sexual encounters.

[soon to be unappealing]
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It was revealed that two of the sisters on The Brady Bunch had a lesbian fling.

[that’s hot]
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Former President Bill Clinton said he might slit his throat if his wife got elected president.
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