political nonsense

Scientists turned peanut butter into diamonds.

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Shanghai drivers started using musical horns.
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A man was killed in a yahtzee-induced brawl.

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The RTA road safety campaign is spending 1.9 million dollars to try and convince young men they have small penises.

[and it’s dangerous]
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Germany has barred the makers of a movie about a plot to kill Adolf Hitler from filming at German military sites because its star Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, the Defence Ministry said on Monday.
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Nobody wanted to interview Paris Hilton.

[boring]
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Scientists were examining the distinct possibility that Hitler hated Jews because a jewish prostitute gave him syphilis. The job of “combating syphilis - the Jewish disease - should be the task of the entire German nation,” he wrote, adding “The health of the nation will be regained only by eliminating the Jews.”
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São Paulo became an advertisement free city, and advertisers drove back and forth in front of city hall in protest. “I think this city will become a sadder, duller place,” said Dalton Silvano, the only city councillor to vote against the laws and an ad executive, “Advertising is…an art form,” he said.

[tonydemarco]
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A 13-year-old British boy ended his ten-year vow of silence, which began when his mother forced him to have his tonsils removed, with the words “thank you.” “We feared Ben would never speak again but now he is chattering all the time,” his grandfather said.
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A Malaysian appeals court declared in a landmark ruling that mistresses have rights and should not be treated as mere chattel, news reports said Friday. Goh, a 73-year old businessman, met Heng, 56, almost 40 years ago and bought her a house in southern Johor state in 1980. Goh later demanded the house back after the relationship soured in 1988. “You squeezed her like a lemon and later cast her aside like an old shoe,” the judge said to Goh after overturning the high court’s decision.

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A prisoner who went missing from a jail in eastern India for almost 24 hours was found by prison guards snoring on the roof of the jail, officials said on Friday.
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The Miss Spain beauty contest changed its rules to allow transsexuals and mothers to compete.

“Of course, their morphology must match their civil status,”

the pageant organizer said.

[old news]
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A shopping frenzy followed the release of the first FDA approved over-the-counter diet drug. “I have never in my life experienced anything like this,” store manager Roe Love, a pharmacist for 20 years, said as she eyed the empty space next to the last box of 90 capsules selling for $59.99. According to Love, the buyers were overwhelmingly women,

“And they’re not fat,”

she said.
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A town in Louisiana banned saggy pants.

[criminal]
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The Taliban fired rockets at Afghan President Hamid Karzai as he gave a speech to some elders. Karzai paused to quiet the audience after the rockets landed a few hundred yards away, then finished his speech.
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Scientists developed a device that tells you if you are being boring or irritating.

[bored]
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Pirates in a stolen ship outran the US government.

[not quite]
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Grand Wizard, the highest ranked member of the KKK, came out of the closet. “I am proud to announce that I am a homosexual,” he said.

   [gay and proud]
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A polish man awoke from a 19 year coma. “I could not talk or do anything, now it’s much better,” he said. “I wake up at 7 a.m. and I watch TV.”

[stoked]
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Larry Flynt offered a million dollars to anyone who admits having sex with a member of congress; this does not include their wives.
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