political nonsense

Lots and lots of bees are dying and nobody can figure out why.

“I’m worried about the bees,” said Dan Boyer, 52, said.
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A pair of gay flamingos adopted a baby.

[proud parents]
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The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals (SPCA) gave a dead dog a medal. “George was a very brave little dog,” they said.

[little stinky]
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Researchers investigating the collapse of honeybee colonies in Europe and the Americas identified several possible reasons for the catastrophe which included:

radiation from cell phones; increased solar radiation; bee AIDS; stress from cross-country travel in trucks; or imidacloprid, a pesticide banned by France in 1999 for spreading “mad bee disease.” Investors were advised to put their money in gold and corn futures to profit off the recession that may result from the disruption of the food chain caused by the vanishing bees. Grapes, which self-pollinate, and olives, which are pollinated by the wind, will not be affected by the bees’ disappearance; Christians pointed out that the Book of Revelation predicts that a famine sparing grapes and olives will precede the apocalypse.
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The FDA approved dog prozac.

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Scientists at New York University were deleting frightening experiences from the memories of rats. “This,” said neurophysiologist Greg Quirk, “is the future of psychiatry.”
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The FDA approved fat dog drugs.

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After years of delay, the Food and Drug Administration tentatively concluded yesterday that milk and meat from some cloned farm animals are safe to eat. That finding could make the United States the first country to allow products from cloned livestock to be sold in grocery stores.
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Facing a possible court battle over its lack of action on global warming, the Bush administration has agreed to declare the polar bear an endangered species.
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Chinese scientists revealed that showing pornography to pandas has helped increase the captive panda population, and said that they had successfully mated robot fish.
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The Senate voted Tuesday to repeal a new law allowing big-game hunts to continue on a California public island in defiance of the National Park Service and a federal court settlement.
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Researchers in Japan captured a dolphin with legs.
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Scientists said we are running out of fish.
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81% of Alaskans are completely or mostly convinced that global warming is happening, probably because polar bears are eating each other and entire villages are preparing to evacuate due to receding shore lines.

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Scientists concluded that mad deer disease is probably spread by saliva.

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Polar bears are drowning.
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In Alaska an elephant named Maggie was refusing to use her $100,000 treadmill.
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The polar bear and hippopotamus are for the first time listed as species threatened with extinction by the world’s biodiversity agency.

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Researchers in Connecticut said that global warming has led to a massive decline in the lobster population of the Long Island Sound; however, if the polar ice caps melt and sea levels rise 30 feet, colder water might bring the lobsters back.
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American researchers found that whale songs have a hierarchical structure, but there is no evidence that whales can discuss distinct or abstract objects.
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